Is Windows a virus?

With the recent problems being encountered by Windows, users all across the country are beginning to ask themselves whether Windows is a virus. In response to the high demand for an answer to that question, a study was done and concluded the following:

1. Viruses replicate quickly. Windows also does this.
2. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. Windows always does this.
3. Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. Windows does this, too.
4. Viruses are usually carried, unkown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Windows does that too.
5. Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Same with Windows, yet again.

Maybe Windows really is a virus. Nope! There is a difference! Viruses are well supported by their authors, are frequently updated, and tend to become more sophisticated as they mature. So there! Windows is not a virus.

The Problem is at Your End

One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was given some instructions, a rifle, and bullets. He fired several shots at the target. The report came from the target area that all attempts had completely missed the target.The technician looked at his rifle, and then at the target. He looked at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He put his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezed the trigger with his other hand. The end of his finger was blown off, whereupon he yelled toward the target area, "It's leaving here just fine, the trouble must be at your end!"


10 Reasons TV is Better than the World Wide Web

10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even considering MTV.
7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a drink in one hand and Doritos in the other.

The Technical Geek Test

Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are an overly compulsive geek. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb. Do not despair! There is help! You are not alone! Whenever you feel the urge to code in Assembler, call the number in the white pages of your phone book, and we will send somebody right over to cut out paper dolls with you until the feeling passes.
You know you are a tehcnical geek . . .

  • when your friend tells you all about his Cressida V6 and you reply "Yeah, I had V5, and it was full of bugs!"
  • when driving you see a license plate with the letters DSR, and you feel compelled to touch your bumper to the other car to see if you can raise CD.
  • when you are counting objects "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
  • when you lay down in the afternoon for a short rest, end up sleeping 4 hours, and call it a "mega-nap".
  • when your friend is going to Essex for vacation and you tell her, "You really should go for the DX, it has the built in co-processor."
  • when you dream in 256 pallettes of 256 colors.
  • when asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits.
  • when you convince yourself that Tetris really does improve eye-hand coordination.
  • when the radio traffic reporter talks about a backup caused by a crash, and you correct her that a backup is good protection in case of a crash.
  • when you call "*.*" star-dot-star.
  • when you can do hexadecimal arithmatic in your head.
  • when your wife goes to the market for some macintosh apples, and you correct her, "No, dear, it's 'Apple Macintosh'."